I feel like the type of men I am interested in are not interested in me because of my weight. Part of me wants to lose weight so that I could date the guys I am interest in. But another part of me is crazy, radical militant against it, on the principle that people should love me for me. I’d love to say that I want to change for me, but I’m honestly just fine with my body. Is it strange that my personality is some how defined by body fat? I cut my hair without even thinking about it. I don’t lapse into some kind of philosophical debate over my hair. I know that if I let my hair get shabby and don’t wash it my dating chances go down. So I get cut (once in awhile at least) and keep it washed. Plus, the guys I’ve been with that ARE attracted to me, almost fetishize my weight. It’s not about me as a person, but, again, about my body fat. And while it is great at first, to be wanted, it quickly becomes clear that their sexual appetite has transformed me from a person into an object. it’s not a good place to be, trust me. Aren’t athletic bodies objectified too though? I know I’m attracted to guys who have athletic bodies, but I don’t feel like it’s a fetish. Bleh. Can’t a smart, handsome man just come and be into me and we can two queers in love so that I don’t have to think about this anymore?